Neth Smiley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
goatgodschild) wrote2022-08-17 12:52 am
goatgodschild) wrote2022-08-17 12:52 am
Entry tags:
Week 13, Entry 2
My face hurts quite a bit while I am typing this, because I have had a migraine coming in and out all evening.
I have also had these roundabout fake conversations with Malcolm in my head. I always end up feeling worse after those, but like I am revealing the truth to myself, that he would never want to be friends again, because I broke his trust in a way that made him decide to not give me another chance to.
In my head, I try to plead that I have changed and improved, incapacitation notwithstanding, and he always says that it doesn't matter, he still can't trust me. I am not nearly changed enough.
I'm glad I didn't send him that email I was thinking of sending, about one of his dolls.
I have also had these roundabout fake conversations with Malcolm in my head. I always end up feeling worse after those, but like I am revealing the truth to myself, that he would never want to be friends again, because I broke his trust in a way that made him decide to not give me another chance to.
In my head, I try to plead that I have changed and improved, incapacitation notwithstanding, and he always says that it doesn't matter, he still can't trust me. I am not nearly changed enough.
I'm glad I didn't send him that email I was thinking of sending, about one of his dolls.