Week 5, Entry 3

I understand, now.

I don't know if I should tell anyone besides in my journaling on this blog, but I understand, now.

There's all these things that needed to come together for me to understand, and it was so...seeing it come together is so fascinating. I hope it all stays together, but I'm amazed how well they all support one another.

You're empathetic to other people, you know you can't control other people, but you can't always understand how and why people are going to feel what they feel. The best you can do is to let other people flow around you in their own ways, and try to do your best within it for everyone around you.

It's all sort of pictures in my head, mostly feelings, but I understand, and that's what's important.

Week 5, Entry 4

Two days of migraines has sucked. I've been trying to manage my pain, but if you can't look at light, then that rather limits your options. And when sound also hurts, that meant I missed the meeting and just slept until it was the afternoon.

I came close to telling him, today. It's not the distant future, and I doubt he'll care one way or the other, but...it's still too early. Sure, all the signs point to yes, but I don't feel like he'll feel good about it. I don't want him to be more angry.

Right now, I am hungry, so I should go eat, because then I'll feel better.

Week 5, Entry 5

We did paired drills again in class today. Not even anything that complex, really, just a basic self-defense drill. By the end of it, I was shaking again. Not as bad as last time, but it still felt like I had been scrubbed with sandpaper all over my body. Except for just below my shins, though I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because they didn't touch the guy I was working with?

I'm trying to follow along with the movements, and I'm getting better at it, but that responsiveness, how jumpy and painful things get, is interesting to work with. I like the practice, because it's more difficult, but I can feel myself improving every time.