The Brightness of the Fens, Entry 3

I've tried to write this quite a few times now, about Rust, and it keeps turning around funny in my head. Which is a very Lunar-Stellar thing, I suppose, having an overwhelming experience without the words to put shape to it. I'm going to type out what I've written in the past few days in my journal. There's also some writing that I've had laying around from back when Malcolm and I were watching TLBD, and from that, what I shared with another friend who's into TLBD. So, here goes.

It is said by the unhappy, that "the truth is a cave in the Black Mountains". Rust Cohle lives this to his near-end, and it is only by realizing that, being faced with death at last, he would rather live, that eventually sways him. That is the emotional conflict of Rust's character -- is he right or wrong, to give up on humanity and try to find a way to die?
But this is prologue to discussing the path of the Lunar-Stellar that Rust embodies in its positive and negative aspects, as well as a particularly uncomfortable sort of queer identity.

The Lunar-Stellar is a path that defines itself as OUTER, separate from civilization and the human as well. Rust, both in the 1990's and in 2012, is an example of the Lunar-Stellar in his life and his mind. Rust is "the Taxman", "out of East Texas", "from Alaska". Spatially, he sets himself apart from his ostensible coworkers in some ways he can control, and some ways he can't. He can never be part of Town life, the Solar world of Good Ol' Boys, so why bother trying?

Can I talk about Rust in the Lunar-Stellar without the contexts of his autism and his queerness?
- He is the most accurate portrayal of how my autism and other mental discontinuities manifest and are managed.
- He (and Marty) read as extremely queer, becoming ultimately Solar-Lunar.

Week 48, Entry 3

Yesterday, I went to see Hank, finally. He gave me some proper exercises, and didn't leave me in pain -- he never does.

Today was good, but very tiring. It's so nice and warm now, and with all the blooming plant life, it's absolutely perfect for walking.

I walked up to State so I could head off to ASAP by bus, which I knew I needed to do early, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get there at all on the Saturday schedule. The bus is about 40 minutes either way, so you have to time it just right. Unfortunately, I mistimed it and ended up arriving about two hours early to the sale, and there wasn't anything for me to do to help. But I still got to hang out with the kitties and the other volunteers, and that was fun! Once it was time to clean up, I put in an hour of work (and got quite far along) before I needed to start walking back to the bus stop so I'd get home on the bus in time for DnD.

DnD was nice, although a bit slow-moving. But our party is traveling right now, and getting to know our new party member as well. I suspect that there were/are a bunch of plot hooks that we're just not grabbing onto in the right way, but I think we'll be doing more in the next session, too. I could smell myself the whole time, though, which was a bit awkward. And I was quite tired. In fact, I'm rather tired right now.