Week 7, Entry 2
Jul. 5th, 2022 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
goatgodschildI woke up at around 3:30am because of a nightmare, then had sensory hallucinations for a couple hours even though I was on the computer. Eventually I was able to go back to sleep around 6am, and ended up sleeping till 11am. After that, I helped Mom with her daily chores since her hands weren't working, and then wrote some more of Tell The World That We Tried.
Tell The World That We Tried feels less like a joyous creative river that I'm tapping into, and more like draining an infection that just won't stop. 38 pages and it still keeps growing. I put it out into the world because I need to write it down, because if it's out here, it's not in my head anymore.
My cravings have been pretty intense today -- intrusive thoughts that manage to just stay on this side of not auditory hallucinations, sweating like a horse despite the weather being quite nice, and my mind cranking out bizarre political conspiracy theories to justify myself being a monster. Trying to think myself into something more calm, or at least tuning them out, has been possible, just hard work.
I will not give in. I will not let the cold-drake come.
It will not bring me love, no matter how many times it lies to me and makes promises that if I just give in, it will all be better.
Tell The World That We Tried feels less like a joyous creative river that I'm tapping into, and more like draining an infection that just won't stop. 38 pages and it still keeps growing. I put it out into the world because I need to write it down, because if it's out here, it's not in my head anymore.
My cravings have been pretty intense today -- intrusive thoughts that manage to just stay on this side of not auditory hallucinations, sweating like a horse despite the weather being quite nice, and my mind cranking out bizarre political conspiracy theories to justify myself being a monster. Trying to think myself into something more calm, or at least tuning them out, has been possible, just hard work.
I will not give in. I will not let the cold-drake come.
It will not bring me love, no matter how many times it lies to me and makes promises that if I just give in, it will all be better.
