Week 16, Entry 8
Sep. 11th, 2022 01:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
goatgodschildThe picnic I went to with the queer group was...okay, I guess. It wasn't bad, but it had the same issue that a lot of their meetings already have -- we've got 1-2 people who want to do icebreakers and board/card games, the people who want to partake in various substances near each other, and the people who aren't particularly engaged with either.
This kind of leads into this feeling I've been having for a while, but today it was really noticeable. I don't drink, I don't smoke cigarettes, I don't use any form of cannabis, and I certainly don't use hallucinogens.
I take my meds, because my mind is already peculiar. Drinking was bad enough that I'm here, and I don't want to try it again with another substance. The men of my father's side of the family have a long list of violent addicts with mental issues, I don't want to get any closer to that than I already have.
But there's this view that seems to permeate the queer communities I'm in, that you use something or other, that not using is the weird thing. Like, I feel guilty about it, because it feels like using is part of the queer experience. That by not using, I'm faking somehow. I know that's nonsense, but it doesn't help the feeling that there's a big divide.
This kind of leads into this feeling I've been having for a while, but today it was really noticeable. I don't drink, I don't smoke cigarettes, I don't use any form of cannabis, and I certainly don't use hallucinogens.
I take my meds, because my mind is already peculiar. Drinking was bad enough that I'm here, and I don't want to try it again with another substance. The men of my father's side of the family have a long list of violent addicts with mental issues, I don't want to get any closer to that than I already have.
But there's this view that seems to permeate the queer communities I'm in, that you use something or other, that not using is the weird thing. Like, I feel guilty about it, because it feels like using is part of the queer experience. That by not using, I'm faking somehow. I know that's nonsense, but it doesn't help the feeling that there's a big divide.
