Week 51, Entry 1
May. 15th, 2023 09:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
goatgodschildIt has been 358 days since I hurt Malcolm; almost one full year. I think I have improved, but I don't think I'm nearly ready enough to reach out to him again.
But that hasn't been my focus in the past week, because I'M STARTING WORK! I'm going to be at the downtown library as a page, so I will mostly be shelving. Tomorrow, I will be getting my introductory information, which is all very exciting. I've wanted to be a library page since I was 12, and I've wanted to work at the library for longer than that! Meanwhile, I'm tense and twitchy, and I find myself accidentally snapping at people, and uncertain of how to lock it down. And then, as if to make sure that I'm not getting too ahead of myself, I keep running into reminders of trauma that I didn't realize I had thought of in ages.
It's all a very heavy experience, especially when it comes with a very strong message -- deal with it, before it deals with you.
But that hasn't been my focus in the past week, because I'M STARTING WORK! I'm going to be at the downtown library as a page, so I will mostly be shelving. Tomorrow, I will be getting my introductory information, which is all very exciting. I've wanted to be a library page since I was 12, and I've wanted to work at the library for longer than that! Meanwhile, I'm tense and twitchy, and I find myself accidentally snapping at people, and uncertain of how to lock it down. And then, as if to make sure that I'm not getting too ahead of myself, I keep running into reminders of trauma that I didn't realize I had thought of in ages.
It's all a very heavy experience, especially when it comes with a very strong message -- deal with it, before it deals with you.
